I met my husband, Jae, in March of 1982 in New York. I had been studying in Paris since 1980 as an art student. My sister Aera met someone in New York in 1982, and I flew over to attend her engagement. My other sister, Soonjin, who was living in NY with Dangsun at the time, arranged a triple blind date for me to have something to do while she was in class. Jae wasn’t my date, but somehow we ended up together, and we have been happily married for the past 40 years. I guess we were just meant to be.
We were living in his parents’ house because he was still a student in graduate school. His parents were especially happy because I was chatty and not shy. They only had 2 boys, and you know how boys are. It’s been 10 years since they came to America, but they were so busy making a living that they never invited anyone to their home. My mother-in-law bought the most expensive Lenox bone China set for 12 people and invited their close friends for the first time. After that gathering, I could see why she was afraid of hosting people. She went grocery shopping for 3 days in a row and prepared a feast to feed an army.
When everyone left, there was still a whole pot of rice left, and we found more meat dishes that she forgot to serve in the oven. And then she would say, looking at all the leftovers, “Oh, people didn’t eat because it didn’t taste good…” In actuality, it’s more because she prepared too much food. We had to eat off the leftovers for the rest of the week.
Maybe that is why I don’t prepare too much food for my gatherings. I hate leftovers. My husband gets anxious sometimes, worrying whether we would run out of food during hosting, but that’s more because he grew up watching the mound of food at the hosting. I believe that who you are eating with is more important than what you are eating. It’s the company that makes the gathering more memorable than the food. I host more than most people, so I try to make it easy on myself so that I can host all the time without worrying about how I am going to do it.
One of the rules I have for myself is to postpone the planning. I don’t make up the menu until a few days before the event and do the shopping only a day or two before. This way, I spend the least amount of time worrying about how I would do it. This attitude, of course, comes from years of experience and the confidence I gained through countless hosting that everything is going to work out in the end.
Honestly, there’s no such thing as a failed hosting, in my opinion. You already show your genuine intention of hospitality the moment you send out the invitation. Any good guests will appreciate whatever is being offered. That is why I sometimes shorten my menu if I run out of time to prepare without too much guilt. Once you accept this attitude, you can invite people more often, even when you are not totally ready.
The same goes for cleaning the house. I have friends who are afraid of hosting because their house is messy. I learned this early on in our marriage. Right after we moved into our new place, we invited one of our friends for dinner. I don’t remember what I cooked for her, but I still remember the mistake I made. I asked my husband to clean the house while I was cooking. He started to clean his desk, going through all the drawers. When my friend arrived, he barely finished with his desk. Believe it or not, it is a true story. It really didn’t matter what the house looked like. We had a great time catching up.
Hosting is not a platform to show off your cooking skills or your nice house. You don’t need to impress anyone. If you burn your main dish, for example, that’s too bad, but there’s no need for a panic attack. Things can happen. It might even become a great story one day. Have no fear and just prepare to have a great time, regardless of any mishaps along the way.
Here are some tips:
– Make a detailed schedule for the day of the event according to your menu. Having this written schedule for every hour helps you check whether you are on schedule. Starting an extra hour ahead of your own schedule gives you peace of mind knowing you have enough time to pull it off.
– Deciding the cooking order might save you time to clean up. I usually cook things in a certain order so that I can keep using the same mixing bowl or cooking pots and pans.
– Mix take-out food with your home cooking if you don’t have a ton of time.
When you are invited to American friends, sometimes you come home hungry because they have cocktails and appetizers rather than a full meal. You can still have a great time and realize that it’s really the company that’s more important than the food when you gather. I started hosting more at home than in a restaurant because of our growing family and friends in the area. It was simply more affordable. But there is something special about inviting others into your home. You are showing how you want to share your life with others.
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