Ever since we moved to Brooklyn from our Montclair house, we began inviting our nieces, nephews, and our friends’ children—who affectionately call us uncle and aunt—for dinner, alongside our grown children. We secretly hoped to provide our children with a sense of growing up in an extended family, reminiscent of the olden days when all the uncles and cousins lived under the same roof.
My suggestion of a “monthly dinner gathering” was warmly embraced by everyone, and thus the “Oxford Dinner Club” was born, named after the street we reside on. The regular attendees include my oldest child, nephews Jon and David, Camilla and Paul, my niece Heesung, and Adam. Whenever Eugene and Max from DC or Anne from Boston are in town, we adjust the date to accommodate them or arrange an additional gathering just for them. Besides the regulars, the club membership keeps expanding to include anyone and everyone who happens to be in New York, even for a short period.
Most of them affectionately call us uncle and auntie, and we never run short of these nephews and nieces. There’s nothing my husband enjoys more than observing their lively conversations around the dinner table. After several Oxford dinners, the distinction between real cousins and pseudo-cousins blurs—they all share us as a common denominator.
In modern nuclear families where single children are often raised as princes and princesses, the absence of close cousins could pose a challenge in later life. Having close cousins (or like cousins) can indeed be the next best thing.
When we first proposed the idea of regular gatherings, there was no agenda other than providing a space for the next generation to foster closer relationships. However, the Oxford Dinner Club evolved into a platform for introducing new friends. We made it clear from the outset that “plus ones” were always welcome, provided we were informed in advance to prepare enough food.
When my nephew Jon brought Emily to an Oxford dinner, we all instantly took a liking to her. Jon, having grown up in New York, is only a year younger than Kevin, so they practically grew up together, sharing many holidays and vacations. We often jest that Jon and his brother David are more than cousins to our children.
Whether we warm up to a new girlfriend being introduced doesn’t have a huge impact, as we’re not the parents. However, if we do approve, especially when their parents live abroad and value our opinion, things can take a different turn. In fact, my sister Yura booked a wedding ceremony at the cathedral even before meeting her future daughter-in-law, based on our stamp of approval.
Emily seamlessly integrated into our family from the very first dinner and officially became a part of the family three years after that initial gathering. Jon and Emily lived on the ground floor of the same townhouse as Kevin and Grace, and little Theo was born there. It was especially delightful because we could see them more frequently whenever we visited Kevin and Grace. This was the closest realization of the extended family I had envisioned in my mind.
We had to suspend our gatherings for 18 months during the pandemic. The first gathering post-Covid was a resounding success—almost everyone showed up, elated to see each other at last. They truly missed human interaction.
We had to bring out benches instead of chairs to accommodate more people, but no one seemed to mind. The room was filled with laughter as everyone caught up on the past 18 months.
My husband didn’t forget to take his famous selfie (with his big face up front), and I positioned myself at the back so my face looked extra small in the shot.
It took 30 minutes to bid farewell as they left. The scene resembled the conclusion of an official party, with everyone lining up to bid goodbye individually. We are always delighted to have them, but even happier when we see them off, especially after treating them to a delicious home-cooked meal.
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